Ten years...

I can hardly believe it's been ten years. Ten years since I last saw your face. Ten years since I last got my hand smacked for touching your fabulous hair. Ten years since I last heard your voice or your laugh. I'm so upset with myself because I can't remember what your voice sounds like. It's been ten years since our last hug, our last shopping trip, our last dinner at The Shell Factory. It's been ten years since the last time you told me to sit up straight or take my hair out of a ponytail or file my nails. It's because of you that I always wear my hair down, because of how much you loved my long hair. It's been ten years. Ten years without you and so many more years without you in them. I'm thankful for the fourteen years we did have together and the memories we made. I wish I could say your absence doesn't make me cry anymore. That knowing my babies will never know you doesn't hurt. But it does still hurt and that's ok. It's ok to be sad. It's ok for me to look back and mourn. But I look back and also see years of happiness and love. I love you Grandma Shirlee, and I always will.